A friend once asked me, half mockingly, of why I am so obsessed with horoscope while witnessing me checking in my three different horoscope apps on my phone. I shrugged, mumbled some words and continued reading.
My relationship with horoscope started as early as the time when I could get my hand on a weekly teen magazine; so around the age of 12. I never care too much about fashion or gossip sections and went straight to the weekly horoscope.
Then at the age of 19, a friend at school told me that he was once worked in a magazine and said the horoscope writer was in fact just made the whole thing up; that the writer never had any astrology background.
”Oh…” I said uncaringly, yet my mind went cross.
As annoyed as I was with the newly found fact, my obsession remains. I told myself that it’s just one person in one magazine. Surely, the apps hire pro people, right?
While that might be right, the fact that most of the predictions never came through is also true.
Three of my closest friends are under the same zodiac, yet their personalities cannot be any more different from each other; they like and enjoy different things, they lead a different lifestyle and have different love fate.
There are some people suggesting that the only reason why we think horoscope holds some truth to its words is because of a theory called confirmation bias.
Those guys probably right.
But for me, at least, the real reason why I religiously look into my daily horoscope is because of myself as a person. It’s not that I’m actually belief in the horoscope itself; it’s just that I hate going blind in life. I prefer to know what to expect so I know what kind of reaction to give ahead of time.
I enjoy watching movies more for the second time because then I already know who is going to die, who is going to save the day, and when the ghost is going to appear.
I often cheat by reading the last chapter of books before I finish the previous chapters as I don’t like to be put in suspense when there is no reason to be.
I like going to the same coffee shop over and over again even if going there requires more effort than just going to a new place.
And you guessed it; I like going back to my ex because it’s familiar territory. Familiar-ly heartbreaking. Ha ha
Horoscope gives me some sort of guidance of how I should react should the prediction come true, thou most of the time it’s so far off.
It gives me some peace in navigating my adult life that is so erratic that I often find myself lost and unsure of where to go since life is an asshole that, time and time again, has disregarded my detailed life plan when it feels like it.
But with the starting of my phoneless days (dropped it in the toilet :/), I think now is a good chance for me to try to part ways with my stupid obsession so I can be at peace with myself in deciding my life path without the universe’s guidance.
I need to feel OK if there’s an attractive guy suddenly come my way and I haven’t consult my horoscope, yet, and I need to be OK to feel a bit, or a lot, lost in life because that’s the joyful part of living; not having the last chapter of my life already written.
To take the words of my favorite writer, Jonathan Haidt, so out of its intended context,
“ The brain is like a book, the first draft of which is written by the genes during fetal development. No chapters are complete at birth, and some are just rough outlines waiting to be filled in…”
Should I believe with complete faith in my horoscope, then it would mean that I believe that I have no say in who I am, what I am, where I want to be, and how I want to go about it. And I believe that my fate is a paper, which only I and the life itself have the compatible pen.